remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
