You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
high people should be assigned attendants
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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