Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
