You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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