so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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