Nicole vs. Life
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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