so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
