You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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