Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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