Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
