My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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