i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
God, I missed his penis.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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