What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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