Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
