Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
