People with herpes should wear stickers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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