Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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