drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
