if i can run in heels then i can drive
My hand turned me down
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
