Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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