I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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