i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
