I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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