I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
