just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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