I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
