Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
