I'm jealous of your bromance
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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