At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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