i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
