I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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