You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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