I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.