you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive