Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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