Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'

Fav 18 4839 1130
share tweet
(858): View more from California

Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

Fav 12 4840 1327
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.

Fav 1 994 1368
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.

Fav 10 1252 667
share tweet
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(502): View more from Kentucky

Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!

Fav 3 1231 727
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying

Fav 3 1894 891
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.

Fav 1 548 823
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.

Fav 1 819 415
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.

Fav 0 43 43
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT