dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.