I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today