I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it was like eating out sand paper
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
