ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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