the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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