You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
