He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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