the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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