I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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