Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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