my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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