If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
