Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the condom got lost in my hair
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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