Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
