another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
