I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
