you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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