do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
