u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
