My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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