mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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