Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
