I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
