If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
