I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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