MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."