the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.