Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
