non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
