His hands were made for my vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
