dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
