Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
