so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize