You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
