CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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