About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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