Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
