Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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