i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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