my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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