I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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