So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
