I want to have your abortion
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
