I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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