she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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