I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
